Be, do, have

From External Validation to Authentic Living: The Power of the ‘Be, Do, Have’ Model

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

Traditional thinking suggests a “do, have, be” model, implying we must first act (do) to obtain something (have) and subsequently become someone (be). Conversely, the “be, do, have” model prioritizes self-awareness. Instead of letting external achievements define us, we first establish our core identity (be). This identity then drives our actions (do), and whatever results we get (have) becomes a natural consequence, not a defining factor of our self-worth. This approach emphasizes intrinsic value and authentic living over external validations.

Tips to establish your core identity — “be”

Self-Reflection Journaling:

• Begin by writing down values, passions, and strengths you believe define you.
• Delve deeper with prompts like “Who am I when no one’s watching?” or “What values do I uphold even when it’s difficult?”
• Over time, review and refine your entries to discern patterns and solidify your understanding of your core self.

Visual Identity Board:

• Create a visual board (either digitally or with physical cut-outs) filled with images, quotes, and symbols that resonate with who you believe you are at your core.
• This serves as a daily reminder and representation of your true self. As you grow and change, so can the board, reflecting the evolution of your identity.

Feedback Loop:

• Sometimes, an external perspective can offer insight into our intrinsic nature.
• Reach out to close friends or family, and ask them to describe you using three words or to share moments when you were most “yourself.”
• Compare their insights with your self-perception. This can either validate your self-awareness or offer new angles to consider in your self-discovery journey.

Spiritual Meditation & Listening:

• Find a quiet, comfortable space free from distractions.
• Begin with a deep breathing exercise to center yourself.
• Once in a meditative state, pose open-ended questions to the universe, your higher self, or whichever spiritual entity you resonate with, such as “Who am I at my core?” or “What is my purpose?”
• Listen attentively for any insights, feelings, or answers that emerge. These may not always be verbal; sometimes, feelings or images can provide profound insights.
• After the session, jot down any revelations or thoughts that surfaced, analyzing them over time to understand your spiritual core better.

Day of Introspective Boredom:

• Choose a day where you prioritize your health and well-being. Ensure you’ve had a good night’s sleep and perhaps engage in activities that promote well-being like light exercise or eating nourishing food.
• Retire to a calming and inspiring environment, free from digital distractions and external stimuli.
• Allow yourself to sit in stillness and experience boredom. Resist the urge to engage in activities purely for distraction.
• As boredom sets in, pay close attention to where your mind wanders or what it desires to escape the monotony. These thoughts can reveal intrinsic motivations, interests, or passions.
• After this experience, reflect and journal about the thoughts and desires that arose during this period of boredom. They can offer key insights into activities or pursuits that are genuinely meaningful to you.

Establishing core identity is a continuous process. It evolves with experiences, growth, and time. The goal is to stay true and authentic to yourself, regardless of external influences.

Defining the “do”

Ensuring alignment between your core identity (be) and your actions (do) is crucial. Here are three strategies to help you define what actions to take once your identity is established:

Value-Based Decision Matrix:

• Start by listing all potential actions or decisions you’re considering.
• Beside each, note how they align with your established core values or identity. This could be a simple yes/no or a more detailed explanation.
• Also, list potential actions that do not align with your core identity, as setting boundaries is essential. By defining what not to do, you create a clearer path for what you should pursue.
• This matrix will serve as a visual guide for making decisions that resonate with who you are.

The “Why” Reflection:

• Before committing to any action, ask yourself “Why?” Why do you want to pursue this? What’s the deeper motivation or purpose behind it?
• If the answer resonates with your core identity and provides genuine value, it’s likely a good fit. If you’re struggling to find a meaningful reason or if it’s driven by external pressures, reconsider the action.

Feedback and Iteration:

• Engage trusted friends, mentors, or coaches and share your intended actions with them.
• Gather feedback on whether they perceive these actions as aligned with your core identity. Sometimes, an external perspective can catch misalignments we might overlook.
• After taking action, regularly reflect and iterate. Were the results in harmony with your identity? If not, adjust your approach for better alignment next time.

Maintaining alignment is a dynamic process. As you grow and evolve, the actions that resonate with your core identity might shift. Regularly revisiting these strategies can help ensure continued alignment.

Taking stands

Taking a stand refers to firmly asserting and upholding your core identity, values, and beliefs, even in the face of external pressures or challenges. It means living authentically and making decisions that align with your true self, rather than conforming to societal norms or expectations.

Here’s how to effectively take a stand:

Clarify Your Beliefs:

• Before you can take a stand, you need a clear understanding of what you stand for. Regularly reflect on your values, beliefs, and core identity. What are the non-negotiables in your life? What do you deeply care about?

Commit Publicly:

• Sharing your beliefs or decisions with trusted friends, family, or even publicly (if appropriate) can solidify your commitment. When others are aware of where you stand, it can provide accountability and support.

Educate Yourself:

• Ensure that you’re well-informed about the values and beliefs you’re upholding. This not only strengthens your conviction but also prepares you to address questions or challenges from others.

Set Boundaries:

• Recognize situations or influences that might sway or challenge your stance. By setting clear boundaries, you can avoid compromising situations or at least be prepared when they arise. Knowing thyself.

Practice Assertive Communication:

• When expressing your stance, be clear, calm, and assertive. Avoid being aggressive or passive-aggressive. Assertiveness ensures your message is delivered without violating the rights or beliefs of others.

Stay Resilient:

• Understand that not everyone will agree with or support your stance. You might face criticism or pushback. Remember your “why” and stay true to yourself. This might require developing a thick skin and seeking support when needed.

Regularly Re-evaluate:

• As you grow and evolve, your beliefs might too. It’s essential to periodically reflect and reassess where you stand to ensure continued alignment with your core identity.

Taking a stand is an act of courage and integrity. It’s about being true to yourself, even when it’s difficult or unpopular, and it’s foundational in living an authentic life aligned with your core identity.

Visual “be, do, have”

Mind-mapping is a fantastic tool for visualizing complex concepts like the “be, do, have” model. Here are some guidelines to create a mind-map for this approach:

Central Node — “Be, Do, Have” Model:

• Begin with a central node or bubble in the middle of your paper or digital canvas. Label it “Be, Do, Have Model.”

Primary Branches:

• From the central node, create three primary branches labeled “Be,” “Do,” and “Have.”

Be Branch:

• Values & Beliefs: List core values and beliefs that define your identity.
• Strengths: Identify your inherent strengths or those you’ve cultivated over time.
• Passions: What excites you or gives your life meaning? These can be activities, causes, or pursuits.
• Boundaries: As discussed earlier, knowing what you won’t compromise on is essential. List these non-negotiables.

Do Branch:

• Aligned Actions: Based on the “Be” branch, list actions that are in harmony with your core identity.
• Boundaries: Define what actions you won’t engage in because they contradict your identity.
• Why: For each action, create a sub-branch that explains the motivation or reasoning behind it.

Have Branch:

• Desired Outcomes: What do you hope to achieve from the actions listed in the “Do” branch? This could include goals, experiences, relationships, or possessions.
• Non-Attachments: It’s essential to remember that while you desire certain outcomes, your identity isn’t defined by them. List reminders or affirmations that emphasize this detachment.

Color Coding & Visuals:

• Using different colors for each primary branch can make your mind-map more visually appealing and easier to navigate.
• Consider adding symbols or images that resonate with certain points, especially in the “Be” branch. Visual cues can deepen understanding and make the map more memorable.

Iterate and Expand:

• As you reflect and grow, your understanding of each aspect of the model might evolve. Revisit and expand your mind-map as needed.

Keep It Accessible:

• Place your mind-map somewhere you can regularly see it, whether that’s a digital version on your devices or a physical copy on your wall. This ensures the concepts stay top of mind.

A mind-map is a personal tool, and there’s no strict right or wrong way to create it. Adjust these guidelines to fit your preferences and understanding of the “be, do, have” model.